I have known Jesus, whose birth we celebrate tomorrow on Christmas, as my Lord and Savior for four years and one month now. Had you asked me 10 or 20 years ago if I thought I’d ever love Him as much as I do today, I would have said no way; small chance. In my mind, God didn’t exist except in people’s imaginations.
That thinking began to change when a friend encouraged me to check out the Chapel. I attended rather sporadically at first. Even for someone who wasn’t a believer, I thought there was good wisdom to be found in the Sunday messages. I was quite impressed with the pastors. They seemed really intelligent and very personable. Most people in the world use these skills and talents to advance themselves and their own ideas. These folks at the Chapel did not. They were advancing Jesus. I got me thinking that either these seemingly intelligent people are actually crazy or maybe there really is a God.
I began exploring, reading the bible a bit and checking out books on Christianity, including the one Pastor Jerry wrote titled “Followship.” The book examines what it means to be a follower of Jesus, or to say yes when Jesus asks us to follow him. My favorite chapter in the book is the one on authenticity. In a nutshell, he says that if you’re not authentic in your love for Jesus, you aren’t going to grow spiritually, and that the things that move you into action reveal the authentic you. By this point in my journey, I was beginning to think that maybe just maybe Jesus actually did walk the earth, that he did perform miracles, that maybe he did even die on a cross and rise from the dead. But there was no love in my heart for him. Honestly, that was how I was feeling. We are talking 2,000 years ago. I just couldn’t connect.
So I emailed Pastor Jerry and asked him how one can go about developing authentic love for Jesus when it’s not really there. He said that if I know Jesus, I’d love him, and the best place to get to know him is in Scripture. He suggested I keep reading and re-reading any of the four gospels about Jesus in the New Testament – Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. He also said to pray to Him, seeking His wisdom.
Before I tell you how I responded, I want to backtrack just a bit and tell you that this wasn’t my first exposure to God. I was born into a Catholic home. We went to church every Sunday. I was baptized as a baby. Truth be told, I remember loving God and loving everyone at church as a youngster. However, this all changed when I was around 12 and prayed endlessly about something that meant the world to me. It was a simple thing I was asking God for, but the prayer went unanswered. I turned from God at that point, thinking if He can’t even answer a simple, well-meaning prayer, what good is He. Soon thereafter I began refusing to go to church, and that was pretty much the end of God and me for about two decades. Those years were incredibly rough, but I never turned to God for help. I never considered Him.
But in November 2007 I remember praying. It was a long, heartfelt prayer that night. I actually remember pleading with God to reveal Himself to me if He really existed. I can’t explain it, but I felt in my heart Him telling me that He’s all around. I just need to get with the times and see Him. So I committed myself to reading Scripture, praying and paying attention. To focus myself, I decided to journal daily, to capture things I thought He was revealing to me. I kid you not when I tell you this journal is full of observations, but one incident in particular was a turning point. All doubts I had about God’s existence evaporated, and as bizarre as this sounds, I fell in love with Him too, quite instantly.
What’s really cool is that it happened at one of my most favorite places in all of Buffalo (second only to the Chapel) – Delaware Park. I live a stone’s throw from this city gem. I love the place. There’s something for everyone, with tennis courts, a golf course, a basketball court, a softball diamond, and, what I like best, a 1.7 mile loop for walking, running, rollerblading and skiing in the winter. And the Buffalo Zoo is right there too. For me, it’s a respite of sorts. You see, I sit at work – a human chair is what I am – for the better part of 9 hours a day Monday through Friday, so when I get out of work, when I can, Delaware Park is where it’s at.
This one evening was cold and snowy. I had just entered the park and hadn’t been walking more than 10 minutes when I went to fling my scarf over my face and dropped my house key to the ground. I heard it drop, but I kid you not when I say I couldn’t find that darn thing anywhere. I searched high and low, up and down. It’s like it totally disappeared. I ended up tracing my steps back to my apartment, thinking maybe I dropped it earlier. Nothing. Worse, my landlord was away, so I was locked out until they returned or I found that key. So I made a bit of beeline back to the spot where I thought I dropped it. My eyes were glued to the ground the whole time still searching. When I got to the spot where I supposed it to be, I remember asking God if he’s trying to show me something through this super strange incident. By this point, the snow was getting deeper by the minute, and I was losing hope of finding that key anytime before the big snow melt in spring (I mean summer; it sticks around quite a while here in Buffalo). I felt in my heart God telling me to stay focused, so I just stared at the ground with all of the concentration I could muster. Sticking out slightly from the snow, I saw what appeared to be a silver hoop earring. I went to pick it up…it was my key! I rejoiced. I remember thinking, “Ok, I get it God, if I stay focused, I’ll kind the key sooner or later.”
As my mind wandered to thoughts about whether He was telling me He’s the key, I proceeded to jog the loop I had come over to the park to do, having no idea what was in store. As I made my way past the bend where the park abuts with the Buffalo Zoo, I saw in absolutely huge letters carved out in the freshly fallen snow the words “I LOVE YOU.” It stopped me in my tracks. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The words were huge. They took up the entire half of the road; you couldn’t miss it. Moreover, I don’t exaggerate when I say I have done thousands upon thousands of loops at that park over the years. Never have I seen anything remotely close to the grand expression that was laying before my eyes that night. What’s more, nobody but me was around. I don’t know who did that in the snow, or who else it might have been intended for, but I believe in my heart with absolute certainty that it’s what the Lord wanted me to see; this was Him, orchestrating things, revealing His heart to me, as I was searching earnestly for Him.
And it changed my life. You don’t hear from the creator of the universe, the maker and taker of life, that he loves you and stay the same person you were. One of the biggest changes for me was all of a sudden I wanted to sing. My heart was so filled with joy, I wanted to express this in song to Jesus. The big challenge here, and the funniest part about it all, is that I had never been a singer, hardly ever even hummed a tune in my entire life! However, God is so incredibly amazing and has truly blessed me with a place in the Chapel’s choir that I feel so privileged and blessed to be a part of.
Another thing that changed is my interest in the bible. Before it was a little like Greek. I’d pick it up and get so frustrated trying to comprehend. Now I wanted more than anything else to understand it, so I could better know Him. That January I took a new believers class at the Chapel and after that, began studying Scripture through the Ministry Training Institute. This has been a huge blessing too. It has grown my love for Him tremendously. That night in the park, I’ll admit, I began to love Jesus simply because I knew in my heart He loved me. Today, I continue to love Him for this, but there are so many other reasons too. It’s like a good marriage. That day when you say “I do” you are so in love. You can’t imagine it getting better. But over the years you grow closer, and you see even more incredible qualities in your spouse unfold, and you look back on your wedding day and realize your initial love was based on just a tiny fraction of what this amazing being is all about. That’s how it’ll be with Jesus.
Gratitude has undoubtedly replaced the discontentment I used to feel a lot too. I’m just so incredibly thankful God didn’t allow me to die before I came to know Him. I’m also deeply grateful for this opportunity to live knowing Him. My life has come to have such peace and joy. It’s a gift that no amount of money can buy.
Friends, I don’t steer you wrong when I tell you that if this can happen for me, you can be sure it can happen for you too. Seek and pursue Jesus with all of your heart and don’t stop until you find Him and develop authentic love for Him. He’s so deserving, and will become the most loving, faithful, wise and greatly gracious friend in your life. The salvation of our soul also depends on it. In John 14:6, Jesus says “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”
To encourage you in this pursuit, the verse I want to leave you with is Matthew 7:7-11:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.”
